the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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