So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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