The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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