apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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