Pappa wants mamma naked
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
