grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
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we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I need moral support for this bender
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
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View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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