East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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