Soap is not a condiment
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
