Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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