why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
