Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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