Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
