I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
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She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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