I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
