fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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