I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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