I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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