so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
