If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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