that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
