apparently the secret to your success is patron
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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