woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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