Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
