next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
