I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
