i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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