I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
