omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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