My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
