So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
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apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
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Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.