just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.