I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better