Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
