drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
