yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
