So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
