when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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