Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
