peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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