That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
