chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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