I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
