I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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