She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
