we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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