It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
