I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize