I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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