I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
