1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she peed on how many people?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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