a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
