my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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