Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you