It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Found the puke drawer
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.