He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!