woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
