i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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