i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
