I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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