I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
