Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
