One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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