Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
