He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
